we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
