i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
