Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
