Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
