i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
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You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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