they need to just BURY HIM!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
