So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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