yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
