Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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