like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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