I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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