these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
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Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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