Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize