More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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