Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
