There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
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do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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