Pappa wants mamma naked
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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