don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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