Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
