His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
