I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
