You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
