Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
