as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
