90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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