We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
