ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
