So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
