Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
