Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
