i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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