It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
