But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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