Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
