I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
