I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
