Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
