i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
where am i from again
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
