I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
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I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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