i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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