He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
