haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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