do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize