he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
