I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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