it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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