I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
