i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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