under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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