pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
