bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
