is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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