I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize