So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
