fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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