you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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