she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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