So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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