My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Having a random hookup so left but love u
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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