i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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