I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
