I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
