I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
