ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
