Just took my morning after pill in the library
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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