I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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