I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
