Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
